STUH-RUGGLING

Ok, so I had a horrendous day at work today.  I'm not quite the new girl now, but not quite seasoned so I'm starting to get looks when I ask questions.  You know the look, the "are you really asking that question" look...or the "I thought you were experienced" look.  I take things like this personally...too personally and in the past it's gotten me in jams.  I guess it's my desire to fit in.  So I picked up my phone and rant and rave to my hubby who gave me some good advice; just keep to myself and keep plugging along. See, I tend to want to be friends with EVERYONE...and I realized today that it's almost to a fault.  I need to separate the two at work and that will be SOOOOO hard for me.  I have always blended the two together and that line between the two was/is always SO gray.  For me, this is my challenge...to remain focused on work while at work and not friends and I have to stop worrying about whether or not people like me. I have to do my job well to be successful (and collect a pay check). 

Struggling seems to be a theme for me this week, I'm having a REALLY hard time keeping myself motivated.  All I've wanted to do was eat for the last 4 days and have no clue why. Stress? Boredem? PMS? Food addiction? I wish I could figure it out.  The good thing is that watching me want to change has rubbed off on my older daughter who struggles with the same love for food as I do.  She could eat ALL DAY if I let her and as we speak, she is walking on the treadmill.  I in no way shape or form want to her to feel like she has to exercise, she afterall only 10 but I want her to know that she needs to start taking care of herself now because it only gets harder as she gets older. Maybe if we work on it together, we can both achieve our goals?!  Funny to me that the strength I need is coming from the 10 year old in the house and not the 37 year old. Maybe because she's a girl, she gets me? Or I get her? I don't know....but I do know that at 8:00, my butt will be on that treadmill watching American Idol and sweating my butt off!

I guess without stuggles, we would never know success. At least that's what I've read and been told. I've gotten within a pinch of success a few times, and it felt great to get there.  So this stuggle tonight is going to make me stronger...no chocolate, just a bottle of water (thanks Aim) and a long walk. 

As far as work is concerned....I have to keep telling myself that every day I'm learning some thing new and every day there will be a struggle. That's what makes it rewarding, to overcome it on my way to success.

I hope you all have found success through your struggles....and if not, just keep chuggin' away.

Reality check

I've been telling myself for a few months that I have to get myself back in shape. In 2007 I lost almost 40 pounds and felt GREAT! I was working out daily and could see a definite difference with the shape of my body and was able to wear my so called "skinny jeans" again.  I was about half way to my goal when during the summer of that year, I went through some emotionally tough times, mostly involving my career and turned to my friend Mr. Food for comfort.  Before I knew it, I was where I am now, borderline obese with high cholesterol. 

Back in 2007, during my times of motivation, I found this really awesome website to use as a tool; http://www.calorie-count.com/ . This site let you track your food consumption, totals your calories and you can even log your exercise and it tracks the calories burned. It helps you set target goals and recommends the amount of calories you should consume and burn each day to reach your goals. The good thing is, it's set up to give you realistic goals so the weight loss is gradual and healthy.  You can even add food facts from labels or local stores not already in their database so you can have an accurate accounting. For example, here in the PA area, we have a convenience store called WAWA (named after a dairy farm in the town of Wawa PA which used to deliver milk door to door and it's heaven on earth).  If you have nitrition information, you can add it to the website so the next time you stop for that Wawa coffee in the morning, or that shorti italian hoagie with pickles and light mayo (YUMMY), you can log it all in!

Yesterday, I logged on to this site for the first time in about a year, telling myself I needed to do this again for myself. I need to mindful of every bit of food I put in my mouth. And let me tell you, it was a complete REALITY CHECK. I had packed my lunch yesterday and planned dinner, and had absolutely no idea how many calories I had arranged for myself to consume until I saw it, written down on from of me. Goodness! No wonder I've been feeling FAT (not PHAT), sluggish and just down right in the pits! 

Today begins the realistic goals....planning in advance.....and getting up off the couch and moving!  I have to do this for myself and for my family. Mostly for myself.  I can do this...I can succeed, I've done it before.  I have the tools, I just have to stay motivated. 

So if you are like me and struggle with your weight, or food, or exercise or you are healthy and just want an additional tool to help you maintain your weight and exercise routine, give this webiste and try and let me know what you think of it.

I'm off to have my tomato soup with low fat croutons for lunch....255 calories thank you very much, not to mention DELICIOUS.  I'll be sure to post updates as my transformation continues....

Sickness...ICK

Monday night my hubby was wonderful enough to take the girls and myself out to dinner to celebrate my first day at my new job. We decided to go to a place we've never been (although I've been to this place but at a different location before).  We were all excited, this place is known to have great wings and good food overall.  I left work and met the family there. We ate some AWESOME food, one of the best burgers I've ever had....but mine was WELL....his not so much. Can you say partially moo-ing?  Anywho, around 4:00 AM Tuesday morning he woke up not feeling well. It started out as just a small annoyance but by 2:00PM it was a full blown sickness. By yesterday morning at 7:00, there was moaning and rocking in bed, incoherant speech and begging to be put out of his misery.  Off to the ER we went only for him to be diagnosed with food poisoning, most likely from the undercooked burger. 

I had dreams of grandure this week, start my new job...settle in at home...new routine....maybe some crafting....riiiiiiight.  Needless to say the first week has been completely hectic. Hopefully next week will be a bit more smooth and without excessive bodily fluids.  I'm off Monday for the holiday and the kids are off from school. I feel a crafting day coming on for all three of us! 

My advice for the day:  Medium well to well at all times...if it's pink, send it back! 

The Third Day

I've made it to the third day...Wednesday, otherwise known as "hump day".  So far, so good. The people are nice here and helpful.  Things are a little slow for me since I'm new and really no work to do yet. As long as I can continue to keep my eyes open at my desk with the help of many many cups of coffee, all will be good.  Thank goodness for Pandera.com...music always helps get me through a day.

The kids love afterschool so far.  It's a big play day for them for a few hours after school. As much as it upsets me to have them away from home, let alone the expense of it....it's worth it to hear their stories of new friends, old friends, trips to the computer lab and games of basketball in the gym. I'm envious of their time together and their ability to have fun in any situation.  We are parents often think we need to be teaching them, all the time...maybe it's time I stop and learn FROM THEM!

I'll hopefully get back to some crafting soon once my life settles in to place and I'll be sure to post pics of the newest project.  Until then...

Tomorrow is....

the BIG day!  Tomorrow is my first official day as an employee of Philadelphia Mortgage Advisors. It's been three weeks since I accepted the position, and I was so glad to have some more time to spend with the kids, enjoy the holidays and relax.  Let me tell you how fast those three weeks have gone by! At least I was able to accomplish the first two items on my list.  So I've spent my last weekend of freedom visiting relatives, getting the kids portraits taken, church, taking down the Christmas decorations and cleaning...RELAX is a word that has escaped my vocabulary.

I have mixed emotions about going back to work. On the one hand, I am thrilled for the opportunity to work for a great company and I seem to fit in already and I'm not even there yet.  That is certainly a good sign, especially in this day and age.  I am hoping that this is the place to make some of my long term goals become reality.  On the other hand, I'm so sad to have to give up the precious time I've had with my girls.   I never realized how much I was really missing until I had the chance to be home with them. So many things happen during the day that I miss working full time. Conversations that don't happen, all the rushing around from activity to activity takes it's place. Somehow, I'll find a balance to make it all work.  I think the stressful days of my past are behind me now and maybe things will finally all settle in to place. 

So now that the cleaning is done for today, I'm going to park my butt on the couch and do NOTHING for the next few hours until my pillow calls my name; because tomorrow AM (bright and early) the alarm clock with be BLARING all over again!

Night all...

Holiday Projects; part 2...

I spent a great deal of time on a present for my Mother in Law and although it didn't turn out the way I had intended, I am still pleased with the results. I had originally purchased a round box which I painted and decorated with the "ornaments" in the box.  However, I messed up on the outside of the box :o( so I had to purchase another more sturdy container for these to store in.  I found a fabric box which was square and a bit larger to hold the "ornaments", so they are more protected and easer to get in and out.  My mind is turning though, for a better option. While photographing them today, I realized that they are getting damaged from being pulled in and out of the box to be looked at. Any suggestions would be welcomed...all that being said, the gift was a huge hit and the family and even more so, my MIL love it!  Fore more photos, check out the slide show at the bottom of the blog...Photos of my third project are in the works...stay tuned!

A wonderful reminder...

I've had two wonderful things happen to me in the last few days.  I guess I should back up a bit and state that over the past few months I've been struggling with many things in my life. I've been trying to be positive but it's not going as well as I would like; deep down inside I am feeling overwhelmed as if my life has lost it's purpose. A lot of times when you feel you are "suffering", whether it be mentally or physically, you feel alone, I know I have felt that way recently. As if you are the ONLY person in the world feeling the way you do.

So, first there was an INCREDIBLE email exchange with my friend Dodi yesterday, who I deem my eternal optimist.  She always has something wonderful to say, words of encouragement and endless support.  And even though I read the email, I seemed to still have a ton of doubt about myself and my future...I thought about what she said and then went to bed and woke up today to start anew.  Thank you Dodi for your endless encouragement and support....I know you've "blogged" about your own "resolutions" for this year....when you find yourself changing the things about you that you don't like, just make sure this part of you stays 100% intact....I know I love you for it!

Then today, I had lunch with a wonderful friend and it was the second dose of medicine I've been needing.   And in between egg salad sandwhiches and strawberries, and while chatting afterwards, my amazing friend reminded me that I'm not alone...there are others like me. Maybe not going through the exact same things at the exact same time, but there are people who know what I'm going through...they have been there or are going through something similar to it now.  I'M NOT ALONE! I was reminded that I have purpose...that I'm loved....and that I'll be successful again, in all areas of my life. It just takes motivation....Thank you Aimee, from the bottom of my heart for reminding me what's important and for guiding me in the right direction, whether you realized it or not.  I am THANKFUL for such good friends....and I intend to HOLD ON TO THEM no matter what ;o)

Between Dodi and Aimee, it's hard not to feel like I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.  To them I owe a debt of gratitude and hope one day, I will be able to return the emotional favor.  So Monday, I start my new job...my new life...a new beginning of sorts...and I'm finally looking forward to it!

xoxoxo

P.s. After reading this post again, I realize that the only thing that could have made this day better is if Colleen could have been able to make it to lunch. She has such a way of grounding me and making me see things for what they are.  Missed you Col and can't wait to get together with you, hopefully soon!!!

Tooth Fairy

Looks like we'll be getting a visit from the tooth fairy tonight. Lia FINALLY lost this tooth after months of waiting patiently. This tooth has been loose since the beginning of the school year but sincerely loose since Halloween. It wouldn't budge! As Marissa has come to an end with the belief in all things magical (i.e. Santa, tooth fairy etc), I am clinging on to the little one in hopes that she always believes...

Spaghetti Dinners

I'm cooking a favorite meal of mine tonight, spaghetti with sausage and meatballs. Although it's not the traditional "gravy" that sits and simmers on the stove all day long (tonight it's from the jar), it's still one of my all time favorite meals. As I sit here and think about it, I'm not sure why...I don't think it's the food itself, I'd prefer ravioli over spaghetti. I don't think it's the garlic bread or the meatballs...I believe this favorite dates back to my childhood...weekends spent at my Nanny's house, just us girls (my Mom included), making the gravy from scratch and enjoying the time together. I think that's what this meal has become...a family tradition. It's the ONE meal that I know I can get all four of my family members together at the dinner table with no distractions to eat, talk, laugh and enjoy our time together. Sometimes the meal spills over to my Mother in Law's house and it turns in to an all day affair. More food. More family. More laughter. Games. Coffee and dessert. Even better for me. So as we all think about the beginning of 2010, I'm thinking of making this a year all about family...starting traditions, continuing traditions, one spaghetti dinner at a time. Ciao!